Fry a chopped onion with a crushed clove of garlic in some oil for 2-3 minutes. Add a carrot (sliced paper-thin), about 100g quartered mushrooms, half a red pepper (diced), 2 sliced green chillis and a dessertspoon of grated ginger. Sprinkle over some sea salt and soften for a further 5 minutes, adding more oil if necessary.
After 5 minutes, stir in a teaspoon of turmeric and half a pint of boiling water. Place 2 smoked haddock fillets* over the top and sprinkle them with black pepper; pop the lid on. Set the timer for 10 minutes and allow the water to simmer gently and the fish to steam. At the same time, put the basmati rice (about a mugful) on to cook. When the rice is five minutes away from ready, add a small cupful of peas to the rice pan, and start boiling 3-4 eggs.
When the haddock is starting to break up, take it out of the pan with a fish slice and break it into large flakes.
Add the drained, rinsed rice and peas to the onion pan, and stir through a tablespoon of cream and a knob of butter. Add more salt and pepper if necessary. Stir in most of the haddock and some fresh coriander, saving a little back as a garnish. Boiled eggs placed decoratively on top, a careless scattering of haddock and coriander, and you’re done. Serve with a lemon, or – if you have no shame – some HP Sauce.
* I would only cook the haddock in with the onions if I was pretty sure that there were no bones. If you’re not sure, it would be better to cook it separately.